O.J. Simpson Admits Killing Nicole... Will CNN Give Him a TV Show?

This editorial opinion has absolutely nothing to do with automobiles, except in a peripheral manner. But it has everything to do with the insanity of life that we face every day, so I’m taking the liberty of speaking out on the subject.

By Marc J. Rauch
Exec. Vice President/Co-Publisher
THE AUTO CHANNEL

A report began circulating on the Internet this afternoon that ex-football star/murderer O. J. Simpson has confessed to a producer for Oprah Winfrey that he did indeed kill his ex-wife (and presumably Ron Goldman).

Why would this schmuck now make this confession after years of denying it? My guess is that his ego just couldn't stand his being out of the limelight and off the pages since his incarceration for the Las Vegas memorabilia gun stunt.

And my other guess is that he's now chumming the waters in anticipation of his release in a few years. He will need gainful employment, after all. I don't think Hertz will re-hire him to be their celebrity spokesperson again. He could probably get a couple of B movies or at least a few porno shots.

But I think the real opportunity lies with CNN. They already have Elliot Spitzer, they're probably working out a deal with Anthony Weiner, they’ve had all kinds of other misfits as contributors; their ex-chief admitted to faking CNN news reports from the Middle East....

Yep, I definitely smell an O. J. Simpson opportunity on CNN coming up. CNN clearly believes in the Rupert Pupkin method of finding new on-camera talent. So stayed tuned for “The Razor’s Edge with O. J. Simpson.” (That’s just a working title I invented)